confused girl

Today’s the last day of Children’s Holiday Club. And just now was the Grand Finale! I think it’s quite tiring to help out. Following kids up and down, singing and dancing along with them, taking care of them like a nanny and stuffs like that. These are not my job this year as I wasn’t consistent for the week due to choir practices. So my job is only to sing, dance and jump along with the kids. Though I wasn’t totally in charge of the singspiration part, I kind of enjoyed it. I mean it kept me young (at least for the last five days?). I do and will miss the kids. But there’s something more to this post of course. It was the Grand Finale. I was so called in charge of the first part of the singing part. And I don’t know why I was busy looking for someone whom I hope (or expect) to be among the crowd. Finally I spot that someone (I’ll give that someone a name – A). Okay! I spotted A. And this weird feeling came, I was happy but sad at the same time. But I need to keep on smiling cause all the kids were fixed on me! And the parents as well of course. Okay, in other words, those smiles just now were kind of fake. You know, pretending to be really happy and enjoying, jumping up and down with the kids as well as smiling because of joy. It’s just so fake! After the singing part, it was Uncle Jimmy’s turn to speak. He gave a message on what parents should do with their kids and stuffs. At this moment of time, I was at the back of the hall. Seeing A’s back, I felt that sorrow was gripping me. Gripping really hard. I don’t know how to describe that feeling but it’s not nice. AT ALL!! I mean, A saw me and treated as though I’m invisible. And I was like – “Hello!? I’m over here.” But it’s all.. Haiz. I know I shouldn’t care and carry on with my life. But there’s a very strong voice asking me not to give up! I should continue to make it right. But sometimes, I do get fatigue. After all, I’m a human. Right? I do have my limits. Do we really have to be like this? I’m really sorry. Please tell what can I do? I really feel like crying. But what’s the point? If cry can really help, I’ll cry for hours! But crying is not the solution. =(