You really break me down this time

Dear God,

You really let me learn things the hard way this time. You really break me down this time. I'm broken into pieces now. I'm at my lowest pit now. Totally screwed up now...

May Your will be done...

Translation of an article that warms my heart

When you look at some people, you always see that they’re happy, having a life that has no worries. They lead a life like a child. Many people are very jealous of them. But actually, it’s not like what you think. They do not want people to see the sad side of them. They don’t even have the ability to be alone because during the silence of the night, they would not know what will happen while they sits by the window, reminiscing all that they’ve been through.

They look tough because from other people’s perspective, they can face everything with a smile. But in actual fact, they have the weakest soul. The long term camouflage that they put on makes it difficult for other people to discover the hurt deep within them.

They just want to live a simple and happy life. They anticipate and believe that the smile every one gives is sincere. They hope that people around them really like them. Even though it’s just a small opinion from others, it will make them sad for a long time. They really care… they really mind that people don’t like them. They always think too much for others. They treat others better than treating themselves. They treat the ability of treating others well as a kind of happiness. They like others more than they like themselves.

They are always like that. They were crying sadly the minute before. But when they appear in front of their friends the next minute, they can show a face with a radiant smile. Some people say that they’re just like sunflowers. Yes! The people that they care about are like the sun. While facing the sun, they always exhibit the best petal they have. They are able to hide their sorrow so well at the side where the sunray can’t get through.

They approach a life that is full of freedom. But, they have to go the opposite direction and work hard for the people they love and care. Although they feel very tired, they still continue on out of a willing heart. Being further away from their dream land, they don’t have the choice but to face the fear, the weary, the competition and the time when they were lost. It is only when they face the people that they trust the most, they are able to remove the cover and shed their tears. Because inside them, smile is happiness, cry is sadness, getting near is like, being away is hatred. But, it’s not like that actually. It’s because they’ve finally understand that their heart is deeply hurt and tears are unbearable. After they cry, they will wipe away their tears and say, “It’s okay, I can do a good job.”

It seems that there is nothing that they cannot do. It seems that there are no worries. It seems that all problems can be solved with just a snap of the finger. They always like to appear in front of people who are crying and just laugh stupidly to make that person smile. However, while facing their own problem, they feel so lost. While facing their own sadness, they just hide at a corner that no one knows and let the wound grow larger.

Their thinking is actually very simple. Everything that they say out is what they think inside their heart as things that are not meant to be said may arouse uncertainties as doubts. Hence, please remember not to hate them. They never thought of hurting anybody. A small little mistake can make them regret for a period of time.

They are actually very naïve and innocent. Even a smile that you give them is enough to make them remember how good you are forever. Hence, their opinion about the world is actually very simple and they are easily influenced. Please, do not hurt their feelings. Because once they are hurt, the hurt cannot be mend forever. If you have people like this around you, please give him or her even the slightest care that you can. Let him or her know that this world has not abandon her…

Your presence impacted my life

Suddenly feel like writing about the people I met here in my campus...

Firstly, my "sister" of course!
Geok Cher... my only Chinese mate in my course! It is nice to see her jumping here and there at times (better than she keeps quiet), ever so hyperactive and bringing laughter whenever she "jumps". She is the one who comes to my room when I say I feel terrible. She is the one who cheers me up when I'm down. She is the one who knows when I feel like crying and when I need her. We are labeled as the "twins" or the "sisters" in our course. Thanks dear for all that you've done! :) Sorry if I have hurt you in any ways. LOVE YOU!

Secondly, my one and only KK of this semester!
Widi... One of my closest and trusted friends here. As we both agreed, we did not really like each other when we first met. But, things went on quite smoothly since last semester and what more this semester. Though "merajuk" and some "stories" may get through our way, I know it is part and parcel of life. Friendships are nurtured these ways. I know I can trust you the moment I started sharing my things with you. And you never fail to be there to comfort me and be there for me. Your presence really made me change my perspective that different race can live together too! Thank you my dear for all the "pujuk" and the advices that you've given me all these while. I'm sorry if I hurt you in any ways that I did not mean to.

Next in the list, my room mate of course!
Wen Yee... Sometimes I'm really so pissed off with your side of the room!!! Haha.. Anyway, make sure you keep them when you're free (which you always do). She LOVES to sleep and eat. Junk food is her all time favourite. Well.. She's also another one who get the shock of her life in the room. Most of the time, it's because of me. Hehe.. Did I mention why? Because, I'll burst into tears all of a sudden. This normally happens in the room so she's the one who always HAS to see these scenes. Sorry mate! :P There she will be, listening to my stories over and over again. Thanks mate!!! LOVE YOU!

Then... My "lou dao" @daddy
JJ... He's not the celebrity ok!? He's my "lou dao". The one who stood by my side giving me his fullest support, calling me almost every day to make sure that I was fine, giving somebody his piece of mind for doing something to me, making sure that I eat my medicine when I'm sick... Yup! That's my "lou dao"! Though he has his own girlfriend already, "lou dao", that does not mean you can dump your "ah lui" okay!? :P Thank you "lou dao"! Glad to have you here!

Another friend of mine...
Yana... Yup! It's you alright! Don't be surprised! Being with her, it feels like I'm the "adik" and you're the "kakak". It feels.. comforting. :) Thank you for always having me during the fasting month. Hehe.. Especially when I break fast alone.. Thank you! Saranghe :)

Another friend friend of mine...
Fatin and Zel... The twins (I labeled them). The both of them.. really sweet giler! Always stick together like UHU :P Having you two in class in a blessing :) Sorry if I've hurt you in any ways

There are still so lot more people that I know here of course! There's my abang, my adik, 珊姐，小马，老羊(always appear at the right time to give advice and comforts)，淑君，冰姐+沁雯(super good in making jokes)，大哥哥，淑心,etc. Thank you peeps!

Feels good to be home

Final exam is coming REAL soon. I've not sat for a REAL exam for like almost 2 years. In order to have a full battery, I came home. Once I reached Ipoh, I headed to grandparents' house for dinner. Awesome home-cooked food! After dinner, I headed home. Awesome shower and awesome sleep!

Today, I went for an early breakfast with grandparents and parents. I had my all time favourite "hor fun"! YIPPIE!!! After that, I went home and rest. Had a nice talk with mum. Then, of course it's "ronda" time. :P I wanted to hunt for kacang putih to be brought back to campus (they work awesomely well when you want to doze off while studying). Unsure of the exact location, mum and I decided to be a little bit adventurous. Fortunately, we reached there safely without having to make U-turns :P After buying those stuffs, we wanted to go Parkson. On the way, we saw Cendol.

Mum: Cendol leh..
Me: Hehe..

Mum straightaway parked the car at the road side and we ordered 2 bowls of Cendol. How nice it is? A cold drink on such a HOT day. AWESOME! The most awesome thing is that mum and I were like little kids. The sudden decision and the sudden act. Like kids craving for something. Haha.. Fun! The Cendol tasted real good! Don't ask me where it is. I really lose all my directions when it comes to First Garden and the areas there. :P After that, we headed to Parkson. Terrible jam and no place to park the car. Change of destination - Tesco. Well, I don't care which mall, as long as I can shop or walk :P Just love going in to gifts shop (even if I don't buy anything).

Time flies like crazy! I'm going back to continue my war tomorrow. Gambateh!!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13

M.I.A

I've been missing in action since February!!?? That's unusual :P But, that proves that I got rid of my addiction **wink wink**

Life has been busy. Getting assignments and projects done, family commitments, church commitments, etc. Well, it's tiring but it's fun when you gain something out of it. :)

Time flies like crazy. I'm in my last semester for foundation. 3 semesters' syllabus at one go! Cool huh? I'm dead alright? I really need prayers and strength to carry on my remaining days in this semester. I'm attacked by insomnia AGAIN. Sleeping patterns are going messy again. It's not that I don't want to sleep, it's just that I can't sleep. It's either I go to bed early and end up rolling for hours or I go to bed late and wake up every hour or 2 or 3. Seems like it has gone back to SPM days. But is it really because of exam stress? I don't know. I just wish I can gain back my sleep.

I want to be the energetic me! I want to be the cheerful me! I want to be ME!!! ME!!! The ME that God created me to be! Me, please come back to me...