For the past 2 months, many things have happened. I admit that I've gone further away from God but I've also grown through this experience.
2 months ago, I registered for matriculation. It wasn't something I want - to be sent to a place as far as Pahang, to be sent to a Malay area, to be sent to matriculation, etc. I asked some people close to me to pray with me whether or not I should go for the program. Somehow, the answer I got wasn't to my liking. In the end, unwillingly or whatever it was, I went. I was placed with great room mates. I got the course that everybody wanted but I opted out (which caused people to like yell at me "WTH are you doing!!??"). I had friends that accompanied me when I missed Ipoh, faced problems with people around me, etc. I made lots of friends. Guess what? I got "famous" in there. People tend to call my name no matter where I was though I don't know them. I wonder how they know me. Anyways, life in matriculation was tiring with assignments, lab reports, extra classes, tests, quizes, late classes, etc. "Fast track" is always the excuse when we grumble. Despite of the good things that I got, I looked for the bad side of it. Why was I placed there to suffer? I hate chemistry. Why have chemistry in my class? I was the only chinese in the class and that was why the attention was mostly on me. It really freaked me out as I wasn't the star student in school and people won't come to me for academic questions. It was a totally different story when I was in there. It's just so scary! Things got worse when I got to know my appeal for JPA was rejected. I sort of expected it but I took it quite badly. I asked God, "If you don't want to give me this, why did u give me those results? There must be a reason for the results, right? Don't tell me you want to throw me here? No way! ......" That period of time was really bad. I doubted Him so much. And I got to know a friend (yes! scrabble boy@apple boy). Somehow we talked and talked and talked. He really made me realised a lot of things. I doubted Him with my future. I've lost my trust in Him. I was afraid that He will take away what I've desired. Wan Li and katan called me once in a while, too. I remembered once when Wan Li called, I burst into tears telling her that I wasn't that curious for His Words like before. I missed my QT for days. I found it really hard to live out my life in there as a Christian. It's such a shame. I know. When I calmed down and start thinking, I told myself, "If this is where God wants me to be, let it be. He knows what's best." Somehow, the rebellious me still lost focus at times.
Until one day..
Wan Li sent me an sms. It was the on the same day the results for the JPA appeal came out.
Take delight in the LORD and He will give you your heart's desires. - Psalm 37:4-
Seconds passed...
Minutes passed...
Hours passed...
Days passed...
Weeks passed...
Results for teaching was finally out!!! I got it!!! I was so overjoyed. I took the blue form (application form to quit) and went to get the procedures done. Finally, I surrendered the key and sent it the form. I am officially off from matriculation. Somehow, I miss the friends I got to know there, I miss some of my tutorial teachers, I miss my lecturers, etc.
Dear God,
I got the picture. I'm sorry for the times that I was rebellious. I'm sorry for loosing my trust in You. Thank you for pulling me back when I fell. Thank you for not leaving me aside when I was at my lowest. Instead, you sent your angels to take good care of me. You sent people around me to remind me of the great things that You've done and can do for me. May You continue to guide me along the way and draw me closer to you each and every day.
Signed with love,
Daughter
Perlis, here I come!!!
